Here’s a situation I often see in clients’ homes: piles of “Shoulds” on the floor or any other horizontal surface.
Most clutter in people's homes is simply delayed decisions - yet a “should pile” takes it to the next level.
These are items which have a potential future action - a “should” - attached to them. Examples:
I should see if my sister wants these first
I should take these to a textile recycling center instead of donating them to a thrift store
I should make t-shirt quilt out of these old t-shirts
I should save all these school papers for my kids
I should see if my second cousin wants these 3 photos - because I think this person in this picture might be her great aunt.
I should not remove these items from the property until my significant other finally makes a decision on them
I should not throw these away because it ruins the planet
I should save these for the next time I might need 8 matching doilies.
The piles multiply - and their inner reluctant discarder keeps concocting all kinds of “shoulds” in order to prevent things from going out the door.
Many organizing clients already have a full plate of responsibilities in their life - job, house, kids, pets, caregiving, etc. - but are in the habit of “shoulding” all over themselves in order to not feel guilty or maybe to avoid facing an uncomfortable truth or situation in their life.
It's easier to keep “shoulding” on themselves than to feel that difficult emotion or have that awkward conversation that they need to have with someone.
However, all this behavior does is create unsightly piles in the living space where they spend nearly all of their time. A “should” is often another project or task which they realistically don’t have the time to do, and maybe doesn’t even need doing in the first place.
Here’s how to flip the mental script:
Replace an “I should” thought with an “I don’t need to” thought.Instead of thinking: I should recycle these (impossible to recycle) items, they can try thinking: I'm going to throw these items away. I don’t need to recycle them.
Thus, it becomes a decisive, immediate, attainable action instead of a lingering physical reminder of their failure to take an (often unnecessary) action.
Another example: Instead of thinking, I should show these photos to my distant relative because they might want them - they could try this thought: My relative doesn't know these photos exists and yet she is perfectly happy right now in her life. I don't need to keep these photos for myself or anyone else.
To achieve a peaceful, decluttered living space, sweep the “I shoulds” right out the door along with the clutter.